


Dancing on my own

by nqotb



Series: Trixie and Katya's Excellent Playlist [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, SO MUCH ANGST I'M SORRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 03:09:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11327448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nqotb/pseuds/nqotb
Summary: Once again I have drawn inspiration from artificallale and campholmes (I would tag both of these incredible writers but my laptop is broken and I'm on my phone so I have no idea how to do that) who both make incredible playlists to go alongside their pieces. I made my own playlist of songs that I connect to these two losers we all love writing about and got all kinds of ideas that I couldn't put into one story, so behold - Trixie and Katya's Excellent Playlist: A series of one shots based on each song I have selected.





	Dancing on my own

**Author's Note:**

> Dancing on my own by Robyn is on my playlist as I pretty much associate any Scandinavian/Eastern European female pop singer with Katya, and I also think Robyn is incredible. For this one we're going non-AU, and using boy pronouns but drag names! It's Willam's birthday, Katya is in her feelings and Trixie has brought along an uninvited friend.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” His drawl carried the last syllable about 5 seconds longer than was necessary.

“I'd rather not. Thank you for averting my attentions, though.”

“Someone had to, you looked like you were about to vomit.” Alaska picked his drink up and let his tongue snake around the straw poking out of his cocktail, letting it settle on his pillowy lips. “So, is this it now? Do we pine in the corners of expensive bars and feel sorry for ourselves instead of enjoying the samples of life?”

Katya turned his neck away from where he had been staring for what he could imagine had been over ten minutes to face his friend. “I'm not pining. I'm just… surprised. I'm surprised, that's all. Intrigued. My interest is, uh, piqued. Enquiring minds want to know.”

“Oh? And what do they want to know, Kat-ee-yaaaah?” Alaska was getting on the fuzzy side of tipsy now, his drawl becoming more growl-like with each sip of his bright blue drink. He kicked his leg up in the air and lost his balance ever so slightly, falling onto his side on the leather booth seats they had taken up residence on. Katya would have found it endearing if he wasn't so wound up.

“I wanna know what the fuck he sees in this one.”

Trixie was on the other side of the bar, talking to a guy. A new guy. _The_  new guy. Trixie had propped up against the bar on a stool and was facing Katya’s direction whilst New Guy stood with his back towards him. Katya didn't mind not being able to see him properly at all. He'd seen a glimpse of his face when he walked in and saw him burrowing into Trixie’s fucking neck and whispering into his ear, so he didn't need to see any more of him. The other man, however, he couldn't tear his gaze from. But what was new?

“Oh come on, he's kind of cute. I would definitely let him suck my dick.”

“That's not a high standard, you would let anyone suck your dick.” Alaska feigned outrage and threw a straw from his cocktail in Katya’s direction. It hit the floor, obviously. “Besides, he looks like he thinks he's too masc to suck on some weenies. He's looking at Trix like he's a rag doll he wants to throw around.” Katya's jaw clenched and he grit his teeth, acid seeping its way into his veins. His head turned back into it's now natural line of sight, catching Trixie fiddling with the bottom of his flannel with one hand and swirling his Whiskey Sour with the other, eyes fixated on New Douche. Restless hands made for a horny Trixie. He remembered that well. “Clearly he must wanna fuck him too if he's brought him here after two dates. Why did he bring him?”

“Relaaaaaaax, kitty. It's Willam’s birthday, we're meant to be letting our hair loose. Besides, this is Trixie we're talking about. They won't even hold hands until the sixth date. There's no way Trixie would sleep with him this early in the game.”

Katya scoffed into his soda.

“Not the Trixie I know.” He winced down his drink as he realised what he had let slip. In the corner of his eye, he could see Alaska’s jaw swung open, off the hinges with shock.

“You’re joking. You're joking with me!” Katya’s silence answered him. “You didn't..?”

Katya glanced over and raised his eyebrows, downing the last mouthful of his watered down Pepsi.

“Escandalo.”

“I don't believe this. I do not. When? Where? HOW?”

“In that order? Okay let's see, uh - there's been about ten...ish instances, all with varying circumstances and locations, and I think your mom has a pop-up book that will tell you all the basics of the act of lovemaking so I don't have to.”

His left ear caught the sound of Trixie using the laugh he usually reserved for people he didn't find funny but didn't want to make feel bad and he smirked. He looked back up and his eyes met Alaska’s, which were currently bulging out of his skull.

“You just used the term love-making. And you were only slightly joking. I don't understand what is happening.”

Katya laughed to himself. Oh well, he’d already said too much. Might as well have some poor fucker to vent to.

“I thought you knew I only bottom if there's a scented candle or if it's part of some sweet and nasty love?”

Alaska shot up onto his feet. The generic pop song that had been playing in the bar quietly faded away.

“HE TOPPED YOU?!”

Katya’s stomach dropped as he swung around to see if somehow, everyone had managed to miss the shrill shout that had escaped from Alaska’s plumped up mouth. They hadn't. There were about twenty people all peeking into their corner of the bar - including Trixie. His eyes scanned through the dim lighting and he saw Katya for the first time that night; he'd been so engrossed in Prick of the Year that the only person he said hello to when he came in fifteen minutes ago was Willam.

Their eyes met and Katya swore he saw Trixie grip his stool to jump off and walk over to him, but he changed his mind before he could blink. All he gave instead was a feeble wave and an unsure smile as Captain Cunt diverted his attention once more with a brand new drink. Katya rolled his eyes to himself before turning his back on the happy couple to face Alaska once more.

“Well gee, Beatrice, thank you for sharing your testimony with the parish. Any other sins you would like to rebuke so publicly?”

“I'm sorry, when I'm in a state of shock I tend to get very loud.”

“I can see that. And for the record, we’ve switched it around quite a lot. I know he always says he's vers but oh mama does he mean it.”

“I'm literally lost for words. How did I not pick up on that?!”

Katya shrugged.

“Honestly? I guess… we’ve just always been like this with each other just without the actual sex part of it. But now it's there… I dunno, it's crazy.” Katya could feel himself on the edge of a ramble, and he couldn't stop it now. He hadn't spoken to anyone about this, not even himself. “I’ve never had anything like it. Biggest high I've ever had, and I've had some fucking highs. And we haven't even needed to have “The Talk,” it's just sort of been what it is and that's that. Back to normal literally ten seconds after. It’s been like eighteen months, I'm surprised no one has found yet. Especially you, he sucked my dick in your dressing room once.”

Alaska screamed, half disgust half amusement. Katya gave a half-hearted laugh back, brain starting to go into overdrive. Alaska saw the smile fade quickly from his face and sat back down next to him, scanning Katya’s eyes. He saw something, and whatever is was made his face turn down with… pity?

“Oh no.”

“What, Brenda, you so shocked that your anus has finally prolapsed?”

“No, luckily that still has a couple more years left before it falls. I can't say the same for you though.”

Katya’s eyes shot to the floor, his empty soda can, the dance floor. Anywhere other than Alaska’s knowing gaze.

“You've lost me now bitch, I don't know what you're talking about.”

Alaska brushed his hand against Katya’s knee, trying to find some way to rein his friend back in and open up a little bit more. Katya fidgeted on his seat, fingers twitching for the feel of a cigarette around them.

“You’re in love with him, aren't you?”  
  
Katya motioned to the waiter to bring him another drink, pretending that she hadn't heard him twice until Alaska coughed to regain his attention. He turned back to look to the left of Alaska’s face - it's always easier to bare your vagina when you're not looking someone directly in the eye. He sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“I would say there is a definite possibility that I have been in love with that man since the day I met him and I will continue to be in love with him until the day my rotted, ravaged body gives up and disintegrates.”

Alaska groaned, head leaning down to rest in his hands. He stayed there for a minute or two, head slowly shaking, leaving Katya alone with his thoughts. He picked the straw out of his drink and started absentmindedly chewing on it. Alaska glanced up at him, face screwed up in confusion.

“If you knew that you were really in love with him, like for real, why did you get yourself into this situation?”

Katya exhaled roughly, and realised he must have been holding his breath since he last spoke.

“I guess… I thought maybe if I just did it, my obsession would die down. You know what I'm like, I wanna fuck someone so bad for so long and then the second I take my dick out of them I'm repulsed.” He glanced back over to the other side of the bar, where Trixie was now introducing New Dick to Tatianna and Adore. He felt a lead boot kick him in the gut. “But not this one. This one had the opposite effect.” He kept his gaze on Trixie, the sight in front of him both calming his breathing and boiling his blood.

“Have you stopped sleeping with other people?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck, Kat.”

“Yeah.”

“You told him?”

“No.”

“You asked him if he feels the same way?”

“No.”

“You think you should?”

Katya turned back to face Alaska. He could see the glassy look in Katya’s eyes, his pupils singing stories he could never say out loud, and he knew he was fucked.

Katya’s voice came out in a strangled whisper.

“I'm scared that I would lose him.”

Alaska’s shoulders deflated, oozing sympathy towards the blonde. He scooted over to Katya and threw his arm over his shoulder, bringing him into what he hoped was a comforting hug, and sighed.

“Yeah, I know that feeling sweetie.”

They sat in silence for a song or two, Alaska's arm still around Katya, his thumb slowly swiping along his bicep. After a while, their peaceful reflection time was interrupted by a blizzard of blonde crimped hair and a foghorn voice.

“Heeeeeeeeey cunts!”

Willam was very, very drunk. And he was also the only one there in drag tonight, under his own orders. He slumped down on the seat next to them, dropping his beer bottle as he sat and smashing it all over his stilettoed feet. Completely oblivious to the shards of glass now making their way into his shoes, he grabbed onto the top of his wig and jostled it about, getting it back into formation, raising one perfectly covered eyebrow at the sight in front of him.

“What, we killing ourselves tonight or something?” He stuck a finger out and waggled it towards them. “This shit looks depressing.”

“Don't worry, Barbra, no blood shall be spilt tonight unless it is for sexual purposes. Sweet Justin here was merely consoling Grandma over her recent menopause.”

Willam dug into his bag and pulled out his compact and lipstick.

“Mazel. Now, you fags need to get the fuck outta my birthday booth. I'm about to suck some dick.”

He started slicking colour over his lips and glanced back over when he realised they hadn't moved.

“Let me phrase that differently. I'm about to suck some dick, whether you're sat there or not.”

Katya jumped up.

“Yep, that’ll do it. Come on, let's go and dance. Mother needs to knock her knees.”

The pair made their way onto the dance floor, saying brief hellos to friends on the way. Tatianna and Adore were in the middle of the floor, doing some kind of pre-choreographed routine to Holler by Spice Girls.

“Lasky, Kitty, over here dudes!” Adore beckoned them over with one hand whilst adjusting their invisible headset with another. They waddled their way through the thickening crowd and all embraced each other in a four way hug. Mel B’s vocals quieted quickly as the DJ pressed his microphone too close to his lips.

“Looky what we have here, ladies and gays - the rightful top four of All Stars 2!”

All four of them laughed, Tatianna giggling as Alaska threw his hand up and clicked towards the DJ booth shouting “See me with them croooowwwns!” Right on cue, Read U Wrote U came blaring out of the speakers, the now packed bar erupting into cheers and squeals. Katya groaned and looked at Alaska, begging her to take pity and let her go outside for just one fucking cigarette.

“Come on Kat, dance. Forget about him just for a moment and have some fun. Lose yourself in the bop, Grandma.”

Katya nodded. He was right, he needed to let his rapidly thinning hair down and enjoy his night with his friends, and try not to think about the big black sky above him threatening to pour down any second.

His arms started to sway softly, muscle memory refusing to let him stand still. His body knew this game too well, and performance mode was kicking in fast. His hip muscles twitched, knowing they would be needed in a few minutes if he decided to pound his untucked pussy into the floor. For Katya, there was nothing like the release of performing, the way you could pour your entire soul out and only put the bits back in that you wanted to. It was therapy in its most extravagant form, and Katya got paid for it every night. It almost made up for the fact that he needed it every night.

The songs all merged into one as Katya flew free from the tension that had riddled his muscles all night. He imagined himself on a stage; not just a tiny box in an overpacked bar filled with twinks and dollar bills, but a theatre, the Opera House, Madison Square Gardens. He was Roxy Hart on her opening night in Broadway, a beautiful witch of a woman who lured every man with the sway of her hips and the wiggle of her shoulders, and killed them if they broke her heart. He span around in circles, faster and faster, trying to turn his rags into a gown with glass slippers, ready to go to the Ball and be whisked away by Prince Charming.

The clock struck twelve and the lights came up, the signal for everyone to migrate from the swanky bar to the club just across the road. Katya blinked, out of his trance. Alaska was making his way towards the cloak room, shouting back at Katya - “leather jacket, right?” Adore and Tatianna were grafting hard on two Hispanic men they had been grinding on five minutes ago, begging them to join them in the club.

Katya looked around like he had just woken up from the most incredible nap. He had taken himself to another world, and god only knows there were probably twenty people filming his questionable moves as he transported onto another plane, one where he was dancing towards Trixie.

Trixie.

He spun around once more, finding his stool for the night unoccupied. He couldn't have gone without saying goodbye, right? He walked towards Alaska, who had finally pushed his way into the cloakroom queue and had retrieved their jackets.

“Thanks. Hey, you wanna go next door and carry on the party or dya think-”

He glanced over Alaska’s shoulder at just the wrong time. Maybe the right time. Trixie was five feet away from him; up against the wall, lids fluttered shut over rolling eyes, New Guy’s hands learning the curves of his body quicker than Katya liked. Trixie was sloppy drunk, licking the douchebag’s teeth before he slipped his tongue back inside his mouth. Bile crept up his throat. He couldn't look away.

Alaska carried on talking, drunk and clueless, Katya nodding slowly to make him think he was listening. Trixie’s eyes stayed shut as The Leech was sucking on his neck, one half of his mouth curling slowly into the lopsided grin that always made Katya’s knees buckle. Trixie was pulling on his earlobe as Hannibal fucking Lecter was working on his neck. Trixie always did that to him, he asked him to do it the first time they were together. His now opened eyes fell on to Katya’s and they could have been laser beams for how Trixie jolted, pushing the bloodsucker away and telling him to get their jackets. His hand came up to his neck, trying to hide the newly forming bruises. They looked each other dead in the eye for a minute, Katya forcing his face to stay calm and resolute. Trixie looked like a four year old who was about to be told off for stealing a cookie by his mom and swear his dad said he could have it. The bar had almost cleared out now, the only sound coming from the muffled din of the people around them.

“I think I'm gonna go home, Alaska. I'm not needed.”

Trixie took a ragged breath in through his nose and opened his mouth. Katya raised an eyebrow, waiting. Trixie clamped his lips shut again as New Guy returned, slinging his jacket over his shoulder with one hand and slapping Trixie’s ass with the other. Trixie kept his gaze on Katya, pleading eyes asking him for more time.

“You ready babe?”

God, he even sounded like a total fucking asshole.

Trixie finally tore his eyes away from Katya, looking at the door instead of looking up at Prick of the Year. He nodded and let him lead him out of the bar, staring at his feet the whole time.

Katya turned to apologise to Alaska, but he was gone. Probably stumbled over to the club, he thought. He put his coat on, adjusting the stiff collar. Behind him, he heard Willam in his sex booth coming up for air.

“Ketchup! Has everyone gone? Good, I don't like any of those fuckers anyway. Wanna come join?”

Katya laughed, for real this time. A few months ago, he would have been lubing himself up before Willam had even finished his sentence. Now all he could think about was someone else tracing over marks he had created over and over, taking journeys over curves that Trixie had sworn belonged to him in hushed moans in between his stupid pink bed sheets. He wondered if Trixie was picturing him when he closed his eyes. And he wondered what the fuck he was gonna do about it.

“Happy Birthday, you cunt. I’ll see you later, I've just realised I forgot to say goodnight to someone.”

 


End file.
